Are you longing to be in a committed long-term relationship, but never seem to be able to get past the 3-month mark with any man?
Do you look at couple’s that have been married for years and wonder how they managed to keep their relationship together for so long?
Have you ever noticed that when you’re in a new relationship, everything is exciting and fresh, and you get butterflies in your stomach just thinking about seeing your new sweetheart?
But then something happens, and things begin to shift. Over time you start to notice that instead of feeling giddy and excited about seeing your new love, you’re energy and attention slowly becomes focused on how to get more love.
You know what I’m talking about. It starts with you wondering where this new relationship is going. You start thinking over and over in your mind how you want things to progress. Before you know it, you’re spending all your time thinking about your ‘possible’ future with this person, and you’re no longer enjoying the present moments that you actually have with them.
My advice to anyone in a new relationship is to enjoy the present moment, because all relationships are made up of moments. Moments of laughter and joy, and moments of intimacy and connection are what build our relationships. Over time these moments, when strung together, form the foundation of a deep and lasting love.
So often we’re in such a hurry to get to where we think we want to be in our new relationship, that we lose sight of the pleasure and possibilities that are present in the moment we are in right now. How your relationship appears right now, might not be what you envision the relationship you desire to look like, but trying to get to some imaginary destination of what you think your relationship should be can snuff out the tiniest bit of potential in even the best of relationships.
So what can we do?
When looking to cultivate a new relationship into a committed partnership, it’s always wise to focus first on improving yourself, then on improving the relationship. If you’re not happy with yourself, with your life, as it is, with or without a partner, then every new relationship regardless of it’s potential will be imbued with the dissatisfaction that you’re feeling with yourself and your own life.
Often we misinterpret discontent in our lives as stemming from our needs not being met in our relationships, when in fact, nothing could be further from truth. More often than not, we enter into our relationships with the expectation that the other person will provide us with everything that we are unable or unwilling to provide for ourselves. And that’s both a heavy and very unrealistic expectation to place on anyone.
In any relationship there will always be a balancing act of both people seeking to have their needs met. In most new relationships, one person is often ready to move forward before the other and this becomes of tipping point for how well you will fair as a couple. If you can navigate the apparent obstacle of both people progressing at varying speeds toward a common goal then the relationship is likely to continue.
My advice for any relationship, not just a new relationship, is to always make the needs of the relationship itself a priority over either person’s individual needs. When I am working with couples, this is where we often begin and discover that the actual relationship is starving! So we can ask ourselves, what does the relationship need in this moment in order to survive this apparent impasse? How can we work together to strengthen the foundation of our relationship? And ultimately, am I willing to place the needs of the relationship over my own personal desires in this moment, in order to keep moving forward with this person in my life?
I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below.
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To your authenticity,